I Got The Power!

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a pretty positive person. I’m a “glass is always half full” type of person and I choose look at the brighter side of things. I know at times my “there’s a silver lining to every dark cloud” attitude can become annoying to sum (mostly negative Nellies) but for me it’s crucial to my sanity. I have to know that any suffering, trials or tribulations I endure in life are for a purpose, for me to get to something greater on the other side. Otherwise it’s all in vain and I believe that the creator doesn’t want his children to suffer unnecessarily. Also in my family we believe energy is all around us and affects us in everyway spiritually, mentally, physically psychologically you name it. I was taught too believe in karma; in that what you put out into the universe you get back. Therefore I cannot surround myself with negative energy it’s as much a threat to my physical being as using the same tissue of someone who has the flu. We absorb energy just like any other physical entity in this universe.

So about two years ago I started hearing all this buzz about The Secret. You know the world famous book by Rhonda Byrne. At first I was skeptical like I already know all of that stuff about the power of positive thinking and blah blah blah. Well eventually I broke down and purchased the book, mostly because I was tried of feeling out of the loop lol. I had the book for about a month before I actually read it and when I did I must admit it was rather enlightening. I like I said I was already “somewhat” familiar with the law of attraction and self fulfilling prophesy, but learning to actually put it into practice and using it was a whole other process. Learning to speak on what I wanted instead of what I didn’t want was a major learning process for me. For example saying “I’ll have the money to pay my phone bill by Tuesday” instead of saying “please don’t let this phone get cut off on Tuesday” changed my entire out-look. For me it gave new meaning to the bible verse “Ask and you shall receive”

As I am reading the book and putting the secret into practice I’m begging to notice slight changes here and there but just like learning anything new there are bumps along the way. I began writing things down, visualizing what I wanted, and behaving as if I already had it and it was working, not consistently. It tickles me because even my youngest son was writing down his wants as well (PS3 games, movies and such). I think personally I as a bit afraid. Could you imagine ANYTHING you ask for and Poof there it is! We all know how the saying goes “be careful of what you wish for…” So I started to worry, what if I ask for the wrong thing, are my wants shallow, do I really needs this…and once you start to question the process the trust and belief begin to wane a bit (just my opinion/experience). Basically my “shaky” energy and fear was polluting the process.

Well very recently my needs became very clear and I began to focus all of my (positive) energy into certain goals. I believed in my heart that what I needed/wanted would happen. I erased all doubt and refused to entertain any worry, (I did have one moment of weakness and I just prayed whenever I felt stressed). I was confident that the creator and the universe would provide, and low and behold I got what I needed. Oh and lets not forget gratitude! You must be gratefully and give thanks, pay it forward to continue to receive, but y’all should already know that. Gratitude is part of staying positive, I pray at least twice a day. Thanking the creator for all of my blessings and asking that I continue to be blessed.

 So I’m learning to master The Secret and my next step is to create a vision board. As I am searching my home for a suitable board I found the one pictured below. I made this collage back when I was in high school, yes it’s tattered and worn, but it makes me smile every time I look at it. Everyone on that board is near and dear to me, it’s kinda old so some (new) folks are missing so I’ll probably have to add a new pic or two. However I thought to myself what a perfect backdrop for my Vision board, having the love and support of family surrounding me at all times is def at the top of my wish list! I encourage everyone to harness the power of positive thinking, learn the law of attraction and practice it in your life daily, the change will be remarkable!  

A little (S)motherly Love

Tonight I cooked a real meal for my sons for the first time in like 3 weeks. Don’t judge me but during the summer months I’m off. It’s too hot to be slaving over sum pan every single night, and half the time they’re not here. Yes my boys are only 12 and 8, but I’m trying to foster a bit of independence in them. My homegurl always laughs at me when I go into my “when I was their age" rants, but if motherhood has taught me one thing it’s that girls are taught far more self-reliance than boys are. When I was 8 not only was I making my own meals but also taking care of my brother and sister (who are twins), and I’m quite sure if I were a boy my mother would’ve found a reliable (female) babysitter.

The mother in me wants to pamper my sons and dote upon them when it comes to cooking, cleaning and other domestic things, but the woman in me wants to prevent them from becoming mama’s boys and teach them to be self sufficient. Besides they never do those (domestic) things quite right anyway, it’s the male way of getting out of household chores I think. Both of my sons’ fathers are their mothers’ only sons and one is an only child. Additionally my high school boyfriend might as well had been his mother’s husband (him being her only child also). So you see I am far too familiar with dating a mama’s boy, and I’ve seen the aftermath of raising a mama’s boy first hand. Now don’t get me wrong I enjoy pampering my men, and I embrace traditional roles of men and women. However the times are changing, hell they have changed! Some women take out the trash and dare I say pump their own gas, Gasp while some men cook dinner and do laundry. Therefore in the event that my sons choose a “modern woman” and find themselves in a “role reversal” kind of situation I want them to be equip to handle it.

I want my boys to appreciate a good cooked meal along with the work and love that goes into preparing one. I want my sons to understand that even if a woman doesn’t have a 9-5 job she works hard making a house a home. I don’t want my sons to subject themselves to a diet of ravioli and ramen noodles because I didn’t teach them their way around the kitchen. Plus a man who can cook is a major turn on. When I send my boys out into the big bad world I want them to be as multi-faceted as the mate they choose, bringing more to the table than just a fork and an empty stomach.

I have a bachelor friend who eats carry out food like 80% of the time and I just shake my head thinking, boy do you need a wife. When I met my son’s father he didn’t even have ice in his ice trays, and alcohol was the only thing in his fridge. If given a choice between a good cooked meal and single life I think 60% of men will choose single life lol. So I’m starting early trying to instill some independence and domestic knowledge in my babies. Hey if they don’t thank me later I’m sure their future wives will.

Tell 'em Why U mad son! Tell 'em Why You mad

Opinions Are Like Assholes, And Yours Is Shitty

I am kinda shy and reserved, which can work against me when it comes to the task of promoting my book and getting my name out there. When you present yourself and your work in a public forum you open yourself up to the opinions, praise and criticism of others. Now any fool knows when you’re in the public you gotta have thick skin, and realize that your flavor may not be EVERYONES favorite. Which is why I respect published authors and artists so much. However there is a difference between constructive criticism, an opinion and just plain old bashing.

Some folks’opinions or criticism may carry more weight than others, for various reasons. A) they’re a known, trusted and respected source with years of experience in the business, B) they have a proven track record of recognizing a winner from a dud, or C) they have influence over a large number of people who value their opinion, which gives them power, but that doesn’t necessarily make them an expert. A very recent experience exposed me to the latter, and that person’s actions left a sour taste in my mouth regarding the politics of the writing/publishing business. However I guess I must thank him for opening my eyes to the ugly side of the business. I tend to turn a blind eye to some of the ugliness and negativity in the world and search for the positive instead (one of my Pisces qualities). So I’m growing my thick skin, and learning as I grow, but I will always remain a lover and not a fighter.

Below is my open letter/comment to the group I belong to on FB regarding the impact a certain reviewer had on the group. I’m posting it to my blog because I DO NOT want anyone who reads this to make the mistake that my words represent ANYONE but myself. I don’t want my words to reflect negatively upon anyone else or draw any unwanted attention or an unsavory backlash. I take full responsibility for what I say in My blog. These are my original thoughts uninfluenced by anyone or group. And with that being said if anyone has a problem with it, by all means don’t read it, and tell all of your friends as well….

Oh so you mean to tell me that we’re not allowed to defend our work in the literary world? I give birth to my writing instilling my sweat and tears for me each sentence, poem, short story, or book I write is like my child. I see the beauty in my work regardless of what anyone else says and a mother protects her children at all cost. It’s only natural for a creator to love their creation. If I put time and effort into something pouring out my heart and soul best believe I’m gonna stand beside it with pride and go after anyone who tries to tear it down. As artist/creators we are biased which is why constructive criticism is so very important, but on the flip side some opinions really JUST don’t matter.

After reading the weird/negative review (or opinion) “The Mad Reviewer” posted on Amazon I posted one comment because I felt that’s all he deserved. Why devote hours and 60 comment long threads to something so negative? “The Mad Reviewer” still is and will remain a non-f’ factor in my book, which is why you won’t find his Gov name anywhere in this blog post. Sigh it’s a shame we gave Whatshisname more attention/power than he deserved. I’m still kinda confused on what makes him such a reputable source/book reviewer anyway. Has he worked for any world renown publications, has he had a column in any major magazines or media outlets? Have any of his reviews been printed on the back or inside cover of any New York Times best sellers or Pulitzer prize-winning works of fiction? Who died and made him the Ebert and Roeber of the literary world. It seems to me that Whatshisname is just One bookstore owner who just happens to have enough time on his hands to log on to Amazon and write reviews. And who the heck writes reviews on a game and puzzle books anyway? The Mad Reviewer that’s who! Being a bookstore owner may afford him access to specific circles in the writing world that some us (mere readers) may not have but in the end he’s just ONE man with ONE opinion, and you know what they say about opinions.

The fact that he has influence, and he’s choosing to use it to slander Noire’s name and work speaks volumes about his creditability and his character (as does his flimsy review). He danced around every valid question and discussion point Noire and Black Fist made and went straight to belittling her fans’ intelligence. When challenged to an intellectual exchange he chose to take the low road, and when a few members hit below the belt, he choose to stoop even lower by trying to basically “blacklist” Noire’s books. How ridiculous can you be Mr. Mad Reviewer, this 2011 not the 1950’s. If they can’t get it at your store or your “so called” friends' stores trust and believe it can be purchased elsewhere. I find it very ironic how he insulted the group calling us lemmings and exactly what would you call the individuals who he’s influencing not to purchase Noire’s book (without reading it first and forming their own opinion). Clearly The Mad Reviewer’s anger is misguided and misdirected, but who am I to offer free therapy or waste time trying to figure him out. I’m sure he’ll work out his issues on his own; “tell em why you mad son! Tell em why you mad?” You stepped into the lions’ den with a steak around your neck (your review) and expected to come out unscathed. Were we not supposed to challenge your review? Sorry we didn’t get the memo, what’d you say your name was again?

The backlash from whatshisname’s review shows the ugly side of the business that scares me so much. As a writer I consider myself an artist and I don’t want to be wrapped up in the politics of the business I just wanna create.

Noire I’m sadden that you won’t be as active in the group as you were before, but I completely appreciate and understand your position in needing to protect your Brand and your work. Just know that the creator blessed you with an awesome gift and the reviews of one person or one million people cannot change that or take it away. Noire keep doing you, because your true fans and readers would never abandon you because you had an opinion about some bookstore owners review.

P.S The Mad Reviewer saying crap like: “I like Noire I’m a Noire fan, I sell her books at my store” to me is like a white person saying “I’m not a racist some of my best friends are black” It’s weak and ungenuine just like his review and I see right through you Judas

Yall go get that G-spot 2 Pride: The 1st Deadly Sin I promise you will not be disappointed.

Peace

Time Waits for No Woman

Time Waits for No Woman

So they say women know within the first 30 seconds of meeting a dude whether or not she’ll sleep with him. One comedian (I can’t remember which) stated that if a man says hello to you then he’s offering you some dick,these fun “facts” got me to thinking. Women are racing against the clock on just about everything in life, and we usually always put a time frame on things, if they aren't already imposed upon us. We race against our biological clocks, career clocks, aging clocks we’re bombarded by time; lose 10 pounds in 10 days, grow thicker lashes in two weeks, get healthier skin in 7 days, turn back the signs of aging in 3 weeks, I could go on and on. Its seems men have the luxury of doing whatever they want, however they want and Whenever they decide. Men can produce their entire lives (as long as they can get it up), an older man is considered distinguished an older woman is just old. There’s no stigma to being an older unmarried man, but a woman well clearly she’s flawed if she hasn’t found a man to marry her.

Some women will stay in a relationship with a man with hopes of marriage until she feels too worn to ditch him and re-enter the dating game, while some will skate quickly if she feels the relationship is headed nowhere slowly. I personally have a 3-5 year maximum, if you don’t know if you’re ready to make the commitment of marriage after 5 years I’m gone. I know its easier said than done, spending 5 yrs of your life building a relationship with someone and then walking away, but I’m not one to be strung along; Shit or get off the pot! There has to be progress one way or another. Imagine working a job for five years with no promotion, no opportunity for advancement, no pay increase, no benefit package, nothing to show for your years of service except the stability of being in the SAME damn position. Imagine if you were constantly told “eventually we’re gonna promote you” and five years down the line still no promotion, how much longer would you stay and wait around? Yes I just compared a relationship to a job, relationships take work and can be very rewarding just like a job. One can be emotionally invested in their job just like you become emotionally invested in your relationship. I'm just saying men have the luxury of time that society doesn’t (normally) grant to women.

So I’m curious how long does it take a man to decide if “she’s the one”? I'm referring to the men who enjoy the idea of marriage and being in a committed relationships not the ones you have to drag to the alter kicking and screaming. It takes a man a split second to decide if a woman is fuckable that night, but how long does it take to determine if she’s Lovable for the rest of your lives.

Apparently Sex (still) Sells

Howdy dear readers, I know my blogs are always far and few between but aren’t all luxurious things usually in limited supply ;) Anyway enough stroking my Divah Ego, and down to business. I’ve been working on short stories and my two books, doing a little research and reviewing some of my past work. In my quest to make a name for myself in the writing world I seek out writing contests and other venues where I can share my talents. Although I haven’t yet graduated to doing an actual poetry reading, I’m perfectly comfortable sharing my writings and musings in a social media platform. My latest conquest is an erotic short story competition. In trying to get my creative voice heard I’ve found that the topic of Erotica is in high demand. I’ve mentioned before that I can write in ANY genre (except science fiction) and my comfort zone is street lit, and fiction stories involving a lead heroine who overcomes her circumstances. However somehow I have slipped into the Erotic fiction groove, the story that I’m working on now will be my third “Steamy Short”! I find it both very challenging and exciting to write about sex, and boy oh boy I have a few slippery sexy scenes in the two books I’m writing, but to make the whole story salacious has been interesting to say the least. There’s a fine line between sexy and raunchy and believe me I’ve done my fair share of research. One of my fave authors Noire does it like no other she keeps it hot, heavy, and hood. Of course we can’t speak on Erotic fiction without mentioning the Mother Goddess of the genre Zane; Addicted was one of the first erotic novels I read. I also have a few “Red Light” books, you know the thin paperbacks you find in novelty stores on "The Block". My hats off to these successful authoresses for keeping it classy and sexy I love them both, and pray I can be half as successful as these trailblazers.

In writing my sensual shorts I always want to stay true to a plot line, although gratuitous sex and T&A is usually an attention grabber I’m a writer not a smut pusher lol. I want my reader to connect with my characters, enjoy a good story and be thoroughly entertained in the process. So as I weave sex into my stories or vice versa I’m looking for more than just shock value. I’m looking for one thounsand different words for Penis, one hundred different ways to convey an orgasm, fifty ways to describe a sexy character and a million different ways to keep folks reading. So wish me luck fam as I embark on this titillating journey, and don’t forget to vote for your girl. I’ll post the link once I submit my entry.

Age Is More Than Just A Number

As I muddle my way through social networking sites making new friends and meeting new people, I am surprised to find that younger dudes are more than willing to approach a 31 year old lady like myself. It tickles me that I'm approached more often by younger guys than older men. Could it be that most men my age have already found a mate and are "settled" therefore less interested in pursuing? Are younger guys more "available",more carefree and have fewer responsibilities thus making them more incline to "chase"?

Whatever the reason may be I'm still pretty partial to older guys. I must admit I'm more close-minded than usual when it comes to the idea of dating someone younger than I. Women mature faster than men so finding a guy on your level kinda requires that we date someone at least a year or two older. Don't get me wrong I'm sure there are some exceptions to this rule, younger guys who are mature beyond their years must be out there somewhere. Unfortunately I'm not interested in seeking them out considering they're probably far and few between. However age is not the end all be all in my criteria for a perspective mate, children play a big factor with me as well. Three years ago my rule was no kids, but lately I've had to relax on that rule. While I have been pretty successful in the past finding dudes who didn't have children or no more than one, I've come to the realization that if I want to continue to fish in the pool of older guys (as I get older) and exclude the younger ones I had to let this rule go.

So in revamping my qualifications I've become more open to the idea of dating a guy who has children, which opens a whole new can of worms. I'm not for any baby mama drama, crying broke because of child support payments, or a whole bunch of baggage you know the "I stay with my babymother but we ain't together" bs. I'm not bringing any of that with my situation so I require the same consideration in return.

Well recently I was approached by a dude who was about a year or two older, fine looking brother and he could hold a pretty decent conversation. We went through the typical "getting to know" each other convo, and when the subject of his children was brought up all sorts a red alarms stared blazing. He had three children their ages were something like 12, 9 and 2. I was appalled, how could he dare say he had a 2 year old and not even flinch. Call me old fashioned but in my brain that meant him and the mother HAD to be together right! On the flip side if he truly doesn't have anything going on with her maybe he should. Do I really want a man who is so free with spreading his seed? So nonchalant about having a baby with a shorty he can't stomach to be around for more than 7 years (or in this case 2 years) for the sake of his child.
When dude mentioned he had a 2 year old, I stopped all communication (without really telling him why) and moved on.Yes children are a blessing from the creator but in my world a baby less than 7 years of age equals baggage and babymama drama. If you have a seed under the age of six I'm sorry bro but in my book you are NOT single.

Making a Fashion Statement

I know I've been M.I.A. for a min, but I had some Computer issues :( I had to send my laptop to HP and it came back to like a complete stranger. They'd wiped my PC clean all my programs and downloads gone needless to say I was devastated. However now that we've taken the time to get reacquainted (my laptop and I), I bring you a short blog that will hopefully give you a chuckle and win your reading eyes back to me. So enjoy xoxo

Okay so we've all heard the expression "the clothes make the man" or "girl you wearing that dress!" well as I'm perusing around the Internet considering a little retail therapy
I peeped one of those "I love my boyfriend" t-shirts and my Pisces imagination started churning. What if we could always wear shirts that expressed our feelings, emotions or mood.Depending on what were wearing sometimes our moods can shift there's the infamous "freakum dress" the "come fuck me heels" and it seems that the people we interact with respond accordingly.

So imagine if when we get dressed every morning we simply rocked a t-shirt that describes your mood in three words or less. Would communication be more efficient, knowing the person's mood or current attitude before actually speaking to them? Would you think twice about divulging the gritty details of your cat's surgery if the person listening (or not listening) was wearing an "I don't give a shit" t-shirt? What do the t-shirts you would choose to wear most ofter say about you? So what 3 t-shirts would be in heavy rotation from my wardrobe.

#3. "Long Night"... self explanatory a polite way to say "I'm not in the mood today" plus it's work friendly lingo for "hungover" lol

#2." I love My boyfriend"... Yeah corny I know but I'd have to rock this one a few times appreciating my man now and than never hurts hell it usually works in my favor (insert sneaky laugh)

#1. "Are you serious"... because every now and then somebody needs a reality check, Yours truly included :)

So what would your top three t-shirts say? Your response could say a lot for how you view life and how you want to be viewed by others. Would your t-shirt collection be gloomy and negative, happy and optimistic or just plain weird?

Tread Lightly

Hell Hath No Furry
I’m not angry or on any kinda “all men are pigs” trip but for some reason (and I’ve written it before) The angry woman vibe suits my poetry. For some odd reason The “man-eater” poetry just comes to me. Although the tone of the poem is obvious I made a distinct point not to use any masculine pronouns, terms or nicknames in this one. So as you read it I invite you to personally consider who in your life this poem could be geared towards. Go ahead Let your inner divah Rrroar!





Could’ve
I know now that you’re not the one, but man we could’ve had so much fun
I learned the hard way that you’re a lying, cheating piece of scum what a terrible misfortune, but man we could’ve had so much fun
I can’t trust you as far as I can spit, good for nothing piece of shit and that’s my queue so I’m gonna split Surely you didn’t expect me to put up with this, you’re not sneaky, silly you’re so ruthless and dumb, but man we could’ve had so much fun
A tsunami of lies wrapped in a hurricane of selfishness begging me to suffer in this hell with you. You can stop now I’m so over it boo. On my Richter scale your tornado of damage will be less than 0.1, tryna shatter my heart and cause a river of tears to flow, I don’t think so. Deuce homie cause I gotta run, but man we could’ve had so much fun
You fooled me once but it won’t happen again, we both know how this story ends, misery from here on after no thanks, you can keep that to yourself friend. Animosity nah I have none and no apologies either you went all out tryna make me a believer, you get an E for effort, but no respect will come I’m moving on cause my work here is done, but man we could’ve had so much fun

Will this Exam be Multiple Choice or Essay?

Hey peeps Happy New Year! As I break my resolution not to make any resolution I’ve been trying to think of some interesting topics to blog about. Yes even the best of us suffer from writer’s block now and again, but never fear my dear readers I’m back :)

I’ve mentioned before that writing is my art, crafting words and molding stories hoping to entertain the masses. Often art imitates life and although I am a pretty private person I draw ideas for my art from my “exhilarating” life. However when sharing your personal experiences in a public forum there’s a fine line between entertainment and TMI. Anyway I was tossing ideas around in my head and decided to go with the one thing that sells and never fails to grab attention SEX, more specifically talking during sex. We’ve all done it from the typical “ohh yeah” to the mind blowing “holy shit Oh my god”.

So I thought to myself… How much is too much and how little is not enough? I guess the answer would depend on your partner and their needs. Now I’ve watched enough flicks to know that most men enjoy a “vocal” lady. They like to be reassured that they are “hitting the spot”. Flicks just like any other televised entertainment tend to exaggerate and over compensate, so giving your best Janet Jackme impression when your man isn’t giving his best Wesley Pipes could cum off as fake. What if your partner likes a good sexy verbal exchange and you’re more of the silent type? For the record I’m not the “vocal” type, it has to happen organically for me. If he’s hitting the spot or the mood strikes me than I’ll coo and purr like a tigress all night long. However I don’t enjoy being asked a multitude of questions, while in the act. I mean honestly guys if you must ask questions (more than once) to get a response outta your girl just appreciate the quiet moment. Usually if a dude is putting in his best Wesley Pipes work my words would be mostly incoherent moans and slurs. I don’t wanna have to come up with a sexy response to a question like “How much do you love this dick?” Really what does one respond that, spread your eagles and say “this much”. It’s just no fun in my opinion to have to worry about my sexual performance and wonder if I provided the proper answers to his interrogation, but to each his own.

It seems talking during sex is as varied as the individuals doing it.
There’s the coaching/directing convo: “you like it like that” or “right there” this convo can be used during intercourse or oral (although I have mixed feelings about dudes coaching while receiving but that’s a whole different blog).

There’s the cocky badass convo: “Yeah do that shit” or “what’s my name”. This convo can be disastrous if used at the wrong time.

There’s the encouraging convo: “you’re the best” or the classic “Oh my god!” This convo usually marks the end of a session/the climax.

Then there’s the sweet talk convo: “You're so beautiful” or of course “I love you”. This convo is usually the dude’s idea of foreplay, or signals attachment for couples who have been together awhile.

I could go on and on... from name calling to screaming matches the list is infinite.

Eventhough I’m not an extremely vocal person I do know that communication is key to a good relationship. So whether you and your lover are the coaching, cocky, or sweet talking type by all means be heard, but don’t forget to listen.

Good Clean Fun

About a month ago I dragged my poor innocent older sister to a strip show. I love corrupting her and I had a blast laughing as she cringed and blushed tipping the half naked men while they gyrated their goods for our entertainment. I know two or three dancers personally and I’ve taken my share of Expose Fitness Dance classes to know that exotic dancing is more about sex appeal and portraying a fantasy than just getting naked. Most shows that I’ve been to (with the exception of one bachelorette party) the dancers did not get naked. Exotic dancing seems to involve a lot of “smoke and mirrors” the dancers have their props, costumes and let’s not forget their theme music all to set the mood off right. These sexy dancers work hard perfecting a routine and keeping their bodies tight and for that I reason I can appreciate a good “peep show’. Thanks to one dancer in particular I will never feel the same when I hear Nicky Minaj’s “See Through Me”, shout out to the milk in my coffee Valentine :). Anyway the show had both male and female dancers and the one performance that got the biggest response was a very flexible, talented young lady who basically took a bath on stage. Now she’s not the first and surely won’t be the last to perform the sexy bath time scene, however I lost interest and excused myself to the ladies’ room during her set. For the life of me I will never understand why folks find bathing so sexy. Of course a good entertainer can make any act seem sensual, and the number of fetishes out there is limitless, but bath time has rarely equaled sex in my book. Okay there’s something provocative about being wet and slippery, as well as a voyeuristic appeal to seeing someone in the bath, but (for me) once you throw soap in the mix I get bored. Taking a bath with another person seems intrusive and having someone bathe me makes me feel like a baby nothing sexy about that. For me personal hygiene is just that PERSONAL, and although soaps can smell and feel good they taste disgusting, limiting your physical contact to just touching and rubbing…BORING. Not that anything weird goes down in my bath tub but I don’t really want my man watching me bathe myself it’s like getting your hair done. You want him to enjoy the finished product but not necessarily see the process it took to get there. To each his own, but the bath time scene is my least favorite, however give me a good steamy passionate shower and it’s on.

I’m A Writer Not A Promoter

We all know I love to write and I have a very active imagination. I consider myself a rather creative person, but when it comes to negotiations and contracts I’m like a fish out of water, therefore I’m on a quest to find a literary agent. The writing game is much like the music game. An author can choose to self-publish, and self-promote and then keep every dollar for themselves or work to get signed with a major publishing house attaining the fame but not necessarily the fortune. Personally I prefer the fortune over the fame but it seems the two often go hand and hand, but I digress...

I’m a writer not a fighter, and since contracts and negotiations aren’t my strong point and I don’t have major connects in the publishing field I’m in search of an enthusiastic, well connected agent. The idea of sharing a percentage of my earnings with an agent didn’t sit well with me at first. However after further consideration I thought to myself 70% or something is better than 100% of nothing and the networking connections an agent could bring into my world would be priceless.

So I spent the majority of yesterday writing and perfecting query letters as well as scouring the internet researching literary agents. However I was a bit disappointed with what I found. As I searched by genre I found that, agents who rep urban or street lit authors were far and few between. There were agents who specialized in the “African American” genre, but I wanted someone who focused on Urban lit. Now don’t get me wrong; I can write about anything, but my first two books are geared toward an urban audience. So now that I can recite the format and structure of a query letter in my sleep I’m in hot pursuit of an agent. Someone who can handle the business aspect of my journey to literary success, every Divah needs a team right?

I must say that this experience has shed some light on why most street lit authors self-publish, and I give them the upmost respect. It definitely takes a lot of hard work and dedication to self-publish and produce a noteworthy finished product. It takes perseverance and major hustle to self-promote and network getting your name and book out there. Writing a book is like giving birth, the words and story go from your mind onto the page and finally your novel is born, and just like your own child you believe in your work more than anyone else in the whole entire world. So I appreciate the struggle and reward of self-publishing. Promotion not being my strong point, I need the guidance and tutelage of a professional, my aim is to create a good buzz, attract the attention of an agent and get signed. However my short term goal is to get over my shyness and indulge in some shameless self-promotion just until I find the agent that believes in my work as much as I do. In the mean time my knees are knocking as I’m wringing my hands hoping to find a literary agent sooner rather than later.

I Don't Think You're Applying Yourself Smokey

So I’ve been a single lady for over a year now and last night I started thinking about the different reasons people stay single. There’s the typical I’ve been hurt in the past reason, of course the I wanna play the field and explore my options reason, and the I just haven’t found the right person reason. I must admit I am afraid of getting into a relationship and my reason is sort of a hybrid of those three. I have been hurt in past relationships, but I have pretty good resilience. I pride myself on being the type of female that can distinguish the next man from the “last”. Heartbreak is never fun and it takes time to lick your wounds and get back into the game. I’m past that phase but I am cautious about repeating past mistakes, and I’m not ashamed to say that I am somewhat picky. I’m not the play the field type person, but I do like to keep my options open. I like feeling independent and unattached; the selfish side of me likes not having to be obligated to another. I have high expectations of my mate and have been called high maintenance more than once so single life allows me to relax and avoid disappointments. However those three reasons are small hurdles to overcome. Fear is usually the main reason we humans choose not to do something. Fear of getting hurt, fear of losing, fear of missing something better, fear of commitment and so on…

My biggest fear regarding getting into a relationship is laziness. When people are courting each other there’s effort put forth. You meet what I like to call “the representative”. That perfect gentleman, who opens doors, showers you with compliments and is always on their best behavior, then once you decide to commit and settle down all of that slows down and eventually stops. My mother once told me “how you get ‘em is how you keep ‘em” and when all the showering, flattery and effort stops, I’m over it. Once a guy knows that he’s “got you” he doesn’t feel the need to put in as much effort. Being the Divah that I am I love attention and a lady likes to know that she’s valued and appreciated, and if I feel less than treasured it just won’t work. I truly believe you get back what you put in and I don’t do things half heartily so I expect the same from my mate. I don’t know why being high maintenance has such a negative connotation, I’m proud to be high maintenance! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…You wouldn’t put a Chevy Cavalier engine into your Range Rover, so why should your relationship be any different.